I rode in the back, head against the glass; eyes up to the sky,
Mum, angry in the passenger seat; Dad, passive at the wheel.
The back-seat bickering; three boys bartering over Panini swaps,
The noise, blurring to a distant hum. It was just you and me.
With no concept of time or space, I would wonder at your presence in the day,
When the world was simple and the earth was the center of the universe – the sky, just a blue stripe painted across the top of my page.
I’d pretend you’d come out to play, especially for me: my secret companion.
And the sunshine flickered across my face through that car window, as if I existed through a kinetoscope.
I sought you out.
And there you were.
Glimpses of you between high-rises and telegraph poles, you raced along the street with me,
Every lane I looked down, you were there,
Chasing me yet never quite catching up.
But with life, with experience, with knowledge, comes a new perspective;
A new appreciation of distance and time.
There you remained.
I could see you still,
Seemingly aloof; no longer following me home.
No longer devoted to me.
And after all these years,
I still catch myself, in a car or on a train,
Trying to see you through child eyes.
If I concentrate hard enough; try to forget what I know,
I can make you run with me again –
Only for a moment.
The vastness between us always claims victory in the end,
When the awe that consumed me,
Becomes nothing more than a trick of the mind,
A trick of the heart.
And through eyes jaded with time, I see you never really followed me at all – that it was simply an illusion,
But how could I ever resent you?
You were constant and familiar, comforting in a world of insecurity.
My only friend in a life of chaotic solitude,
Present where there was only absence.
So now each day I glance up, blue sky or black;
Waxing, waning, full or new,
A nod of confession
That you exist only for me,
And me only for you.
– K.W 2015